Since I’ve begun writing about online dating, eHarmony is one of the companies that I get the most questions about. This company’s methods and success rates have been widely noticed, but this publicity also gives the whole process a sort of mystique and makes some people intimidated or worried that they won’t “do it right.”
People often see the eHarmony process as more science than romance or dating. This isn’t entirely true. Yes, they do have the widely talked about 29 point compatibility system, but it’s honestly not all that hard. There’s no reason to fear this process. In fact, the company’s screening and quizzes are the main reasons for its success rate. And quite honestly, you can make this process work for you rather than against you, which I’ll discuss in the following article.
Do Some Self Work Before You Even Get Started On eHarmony: To know who your soul mate is when they are staring you right in the eye, you’re going to need to know exactly who and what you want. Sometimes we think that we are clear on this when we really aren’t. We want an ideal that we think that we should want or that we think our parents, friends, or even children want or need for us.
The problem with this is that we’re going to attract the person who is right for these people instead of who is right for us. Ultimately, what most people want is a fulfilling, healthy, and happy relationship that feels almost effortless because both people are “right” for each other. Understand though, that you aren’t likely to get this if you don’t know who you are and who is right for you. Also, you need to be able to successfully convey this self knowledge.
Often, we underestimate ourselves or stop short of asking for what we really want because our self confidence or self knowledge is low. You must really believe that you deserve who you really want and that you are worthy of this. There truly is someone for everyone. You have to trust that this is true. Otherwise, you are going to project doubt and you may well sell yourself short.
That’s why it’s so important to take some time with yourself to determine what you want and need. You should also to do the self work necessary to have the confidence that you’re going to need to approach this process with an open mind and heart. So many people lower their expectations and tell themselves that they must “settle” when this just isn’t true. Now is the time to hold out for what and who you want. Know this and get excited about the process.
Always Be Honest, But Use Your Knowledge Of Yourself To Put Your Best Self Out There: The worst thing that you can do is to hold back on the initial test or what is otherwise called the personality profile. People sometimes don’t like that the test can take 45 to an hour. Or, they worry that the test won’t be accurate or will paint them in a bad light or show their flaws.
Wait until you have uninterrupted time to take the test. Know that the aren’t really “right” answers for the test. There aren’t trick questions, at least in my opinion. They are asking these things so that they can match you up to who is potentially right for you. That’s why it’s so important to be honest. Make sure your answers are what is really true, not what you think people want to hear. Again, if you embellish or pretend to be someone you’re not, then you’re going to be matched with the person who would be a match for who you are pretending to be.
The same holds true when setting up your profile. You absolutely want to put your best self out there. Use your self work to paint yourself in positive but truthful light. Again, you want to be matched with people who are going to be compatible with the real you. Who wants to pretend for the long term?
Your Attitude Counts As Much As The Other Variables: People often assume that the personality test and the matches are the most important part of eHarmony. These things are important, but equally important is the attitude that you have when you approach this. The thing is, you don’t want to approach this with dread and apprehension. These things show and they count. Finding your “match” and your soul mate might take some a little bit of time so it’s very important to make the process one that you’re going to enjoy and don’t mind.
Always remember that people are attracted to people that make them feel good about themselves and their situation. If you project negativity, doubt, reluctance, or fear, your results might be affected. Vow to enjoy yourself and to approach this knowing that you have something to offer. Sure, you may have to meet some people before you find your soul mate, but nothing says you can’t benefit from making new friends or enjoying new experiences. People who enjoy the process and have fun seem to have a much higher degree of success, in my opinion.
Use The Tools They Give You: One of the coolest things about eHarmony is that they offer you a lot of tools to get to know your matches in a very low stress way. Their guided communication tools are second to none. Some people tell me that they feel that this forces them to move slowly. But I really think that this can be to your benefit. It allows for you to get to know potential matches without any pressure. They basically allow for you to share information and ask questions before you even entertain taking it further.
All of this is giving you experience, allowing you to get to know the other person, and will allow for you to boost your confidence. If you approach this and compete this correctly, you should have a good sense of who each match is and this should help you to evaluate if you’d like to go further. This is much preferable to just hoping for the best and taking the time to meet someone that would be a waste of time anyway.
Also, the time and effort that this whole process takes ensures that people are on eHarmony for all of the right reasons. Typically, people on eHarmony aren’t looking to “hook up.” They are looking for long term, committed relationships. The slow and thorough pace of the process helps to ensure that you’re being matched with people who are as serious about this as you are.
Source by Sara Sheldon